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21 avril 2016 @ 13:36
you bring light in
to a dark place

friends that take what you have and leave you behind
it's fucked, but, it's alright, give & take but mostly give
sitting atop the world, gazing out on to the glistening advertisements
wrapped in a fur blanket floating in a sea of deep blue
barely thinking of you while never not thinking of you
round and round it all keeps moving spinning speeding
talking about the way the world is changing
artificial stars spark a cold glow across our faces
grinning while catching our breath

all your soothing waves come from within
and they flow out of my pores as a love letter to time itself
unable to stop myself from feeling the gentle bends in pitch
i'm having a laugh
27 mars 2016 @ 13:33
open me up

i want to hold you,
16 mars 2016 @ 11:41
when you're quiet, and still, that is when i can feel your edges most strongly: the way the air parts to hug your face & wrap itself around you.
like a vagrant fog you lift and vanish in the waking hours.
and yet i still feel you all around soaked in to porous spaces.
16 février 2016 @ 00:03
so stuck.

cross-legged in bed, cat perched on my knee, wrapping her tail around me possessively.

i'm trying to remember all the things that make me feel pink.

late nights on the floor thinking about UFOs and other planets.

the little chair in the corner of my room, draped in protective sheets, a fort of my own making, to shelter me from everything else, room upon room, my future floorplan, soft at every angle.

the intoxicating psychedelics of childhood & loneliness.

if i can't have what i want, i might as well make what i have already, & relearn how to want it.

my prefab house of dreams & all the colors of the universe at my dark fingertips.
20 octobre 2015 @ 12:23
i felt like saying i love you
& getting no reply.
09 septembre 2015 @ 22:41
when you are sad
think about the stars
04 septembre 2015 @ 00:04
when my mind wanders to global catastrophe, nuclear warfare, scorched earth, i have a certain sense of fearlessness in that my needs will be taken care of probably because i am a white female but then i think about how if things really collapsed no one would be able to do anything and i would know nothing about survival or truly being tough or what it takes to get through the world as an animal and not this cushioned furniture-owning thing i am.

i look in the mirror like a check-up. ugh, i feel gross. i am what i am.

i'm too stressed out to work on my projects. i made a fake house and filled it with plants and dreamed about what life inside it would be like. i put palm trees outside because i wanted to know what it would be like to look out the windows and see palm fronds.

i'm afraid of fucking with people. and even more so, i am afraid of being fucked with. how can you be a person with a warm and loving center but so many onion layers of skepticism and distrust? science tells us about the earth's core but we can't even go in to the basement of our own home, so how do we know what's in the pipes down there. what's inside me? cynicism and judgment? my two least favorite things.

and yet, if there's one thing i know, i'm the only one protecting myself. and i've failed before. we all do. i just don't want to ever again.

i close my eyes to ignore the fact that i'm just another collection of things trying to survive and multiply. if i close them hard enough, i can transport myself to some unforgiving desert where the sun is far gone but still kisses the horizon a pinkish violet. everything is sand and the sand does not care about you, it merely blows along your arm hairs, and somewhere some lizard gets eaten by a mouse who gets eaten by some lizard.

i take a deep breath and put things back in their place and dust off my shelves.
27 août 2015 @ 16:08
the only (questionably) effective way i've found to combat loneliness and despair is to stay as busy as possible.

even the stress is worth it if it keeps me from thinking about who doesn't think about me at night.
10 juin 2015 @ 02:13
all i ever wanna be is an approximation of someone's thoughts

vague memories of me
left to stew on a pot for too long
forgotten, but then remembered
poured in to containers and saved for some bleak day

just some blurred sketch of a thing that was here
or is here, temporarily

the world & ecosystems & people & feelings are so complicated and everything is constantly dying, but the breeze through the window on an unusually cool night is a rare beauty worth basking in

the fish in the sea & me

the restaurant across the street shutters its gates alerting me that i have stayed up too late yet again as trucks rattle down the road
13 mai 2015 @ 00:39
thinking about the nights spent buried in my freshman year blankets
headphones jammed in ears listening to grouper
wondering when life would really begin
and finding comfort in the slowly creaking floorboards of the drawing room
like the worn hull of a reliable ship